


Irreplaceable

by mithrel



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Blanket Permission, Episode Related, Episode Tag, M/M, Podfic Welcome, Post Episode: s05e21 Meridian, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-30
Updated: 2011-08-30
Packaged: 2017-10-30 03:33:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/327293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack reflects. Coda to <i>Meridian,</i> references through <i>Redemption, Part 1.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Irreplaceable

He hated the fact that everyone said they felt the same way. They _couldn’t_ feel the same way, because none of them knew _how_ he felt. He’d denied it himself for years.

When he did accept it, he’d sworn Daniel would never know. That rambling, half-denied confession of admiration was the closest he’d let himself get, even on Daniel’s deathbed.

Deathbed. He swallowed, and reminded himself again that Daniel wasn’t dead. He’d looked almost unrecognizable, swathed in those bandages. Then, when Jack had seen him again, looking almost…holy…Jack banished the thought as ridiculous.

But when Daniel asked him to tell Jacob to let him go–Jack tried to tell himself it meant something, that _he_ was the one Daniel contacted, tried to tell himself it meant nothing–Jack couldn’t deny him, not looking like that, not when the best-case scenario with the hand-device meant that Daniel would be an invalid.

At least he’d still _exist_ this way, still go on, even if Jack didn’t understand it, even if he’d never see him again…Jack tried to tell himself not to be ridiculous, of _course_ he’d see Daniel again–but Daniel himself hadn’t _known._ And anyway, even if he did come back, it’d be some glowy-light-thing, not _Daniel._

And then Carter thought he was being callous, going on like nothing had changed, when _everything_ had, when the world would never be the same again… But leading SG-1 was all he knew how to do. He couldn’t sit at home, alone with his thoughts. Besides, it was what Daniel would have wanted.

Only thing he knew how to do or not, it was all he could manage to choke out an answer to Heimdall’s question about Daniel, all he could manage to keep from reflexively giving Daniel orders along with Carter and Teal’c.

He’d been stubborn about Daniel’s replacement, insisting they could handle it themselves, because, yeah, the guys they’d tried were all idiots, and a few of them almost got them killed…

But that wasn’t the real reason.

The real reason was, no one _could_ replace Daniel.


End file.
